I hope my title has been snappy enough to catch people's attention! Anyway, i just need help on a topic that's been preying on my mind.
I was at a wedding the other day, and a thought occured to me. People say weddings are a good place to meet single guys/girls, but in my experience of naija weddings (in GB), this is not true at all. As i mentioned this to a friend sitting beside me in the Church service that day, we mused as to why nigerian men tend to 'bone' a lot at weddings in particular. For example, your eyes meet (totally innocently, as you cannot walk around the whole day with your eyes glued to the ground) and they immediately look affronted, as if to say 'what you looking at'? And i just don't get it, hence my question. Why, oh, why do you guys like to 'bone', 'frank' your faces, or whatever else you want to call it?
Please help. Closure needed, fast!!!!!!!!
I was at a wedding the other day, and a thought occured to me. People say weddings are a good place to meet single guys/girls, but in my experience of naija weddings (in GB), this is not true at all. As i mentioned this to a friend sitting beside me in the Church service that day, we mused as to why nigerian men tend to 'bone' a lot at weddings in particular. For example, your eyes meet (totally innocently, as you cannot walk around the whole day with your eyes glued to the ground) and they immediately look affronted, as if to say 'what you looking at'? And i just don't get it, hence my question. Why, oh, why do you guys like to 'bone', 'frank' your faces, or whatever else you want to call it?
Please help. Closure needed, fast!!!!!!!!
18 comments:
You are such an unserious babe, why do you "need closure fast" (lol).
Don't mind those silly boys abi is it men they call them. I tell you you have more chance of meeting a guy in a club than Naija wedding pssssssst...
Except you have a relative or friend who is there that introduces you forget they will just congregate in one corner fronting like no man's business.
I don't know for them, it is not shyness because they are bold when they go to clubs but come church or naija gathering it is a different story (except proper OWAMBE's where there is flow of alcohol).
P.S
Don't do clubs but folks give me the low down.
@30+ : why do i need closure? Well forget global warming and the melting of the polar ice cap etc, it's issues like this that keep me up at night (lol).
Men generally use only tactics that work for them, and whether or not you think this is true, frowning works. It gets you noticed, its sends the message - 'I don't give a damn', it is accompanied by an air of arrogance, all these things combined work for Nigerian men when it comes to Nigerian women.
There is a reason for everything, especially behavioural things, if Nigerian women generally do not fall for 'frowning' men, and start falling for 'smiling' men, then our daughters will not have to live with it, cos their tactics will evolve to suit what to will get them a mate.
Read the Selfish Gene (Richard Dawkins), it will better explain the situation to you. If a Nigerian man knows that Nigerian women are generally more defensive, and it will take longer to 'toast' them, then he is better off acting blase about you, that will reduce your defenses when he finally talks to you cos if you like him, you'll think its a rare opportunity. Its the evolution game, its difficult to explain it. Hope this helps, and by the way, I'm a man.
@ anon: i guess i agree with you to a certain extent. It's the old 'treat them mean to keep them keen' chestnut. However, as 30+ mentioned, this kind of behaviour seems to be exhibited in particular social settings e.g. at weddings, as opposed to somewhere like a club? Is is because if you appear 'nice' to a girl in a club, you're more likely to get a leg over that night?
well undacover, whatever men do that seem strange to you can only be because you are 'different' (in a good kind of way) to the average girl. If it happens in certain social setting and not others, it just means that it works that way. It may not work on you, but on the average it just works for the men, and it must work on more women than not for the trend to sustains itself.
I'm sure you don't see white men, or indian men, or chinese men behave that way, it simply must be because it doesnt work on their woman! The evolution game is like a free market, what you get is what is right! what you get is what works, there is no school where you go to study the art of frowning in weddings and smiling in clubs, it only happens cos its evolved as a successful tactic in getting a mate into bed!
The only people with the power to change it are women, however women cant really gang up and do it, because besides being impossible, it would amount to 'carteling' which is 'anti-competitive' and forbidden in the 'free market' of sex and dating!
So, if you are 'different' (in a good kind of way) and not fall for this nonsense, and every other girl is 'silly' and does, that leaves you in a situation where you will not get a mate, so you need to change to being 'silly' in order to get a mate, and that my dear will only sustain the trend!
The free market is a beautiful thing. Viva the free market!
Anon, i wouldn't say i was different, just a keen observer of human behaviour, questioning and analytical.
I agree that we women have the power to change things, and yes, we can't gang up to do this. Unfortunately, we have to learn through sometimes bitter experience, and the benefit of hindsight.
However, i must pick you up on this comment:
"So, if you are 'different' (in a good kind of way) and not fall for this nonsense, and every other girl is 'silly' and does, that leaves you in a situation where you will not get a mate, so you need to change to being 'silly' in order to get a mate, and that my dear will only sustain the trend!"
I disagree. I most certainly will not dumb myself down and resort to silly games in order to get a guy, because, whilst this might seem like misplaced trust on the surface, i truly believe that there are MEN out there who also do not feel the need to resort to game playing and manipulation when it comes to the 'free market of sex and dating' as you call it.
Gosh, this really wasnt supposed to get so heavy!!!
@undacova
lol. was meant to be metaphorical. Dont really mean than you are that way, nor that anyone who is 'different' 'will not get a mate'. The law of averages does however mean that it will be a tad more difficult for those who are 'different'(non-conformists). I'm sure you generally understand the point i was trying to get across. I shall away now, never to return to this thread!
adios,
your fav anon.
@ anon: Hope you return just one more time to read this :0)
I wish it was possible to convey tone of voice along with words. The last line of my last comment was really tongue in cheek, and yes i do get your point, but being an opinionated so and so, i also like to express my own point of view. Thanks for expressing your views, BTW
yes yes!me sef i have noticed that 9ja guys frank at weddings o...they think every girl there is desperate and so they give u a "dont even scope me look"...
i so agree with 30+ she took the words out of my mouth!
If Mohammed cannot go to the mountain the mountain would go to mohammed. Na obodo oyibo you dey o!, the rules for the game have changed. If you see a broda you like make the 1st move don't wait and keep cutting eye.
@ Ubong - (1)I wouldnt do that even if they brought me news that hell had frozen over! (2)It's not about guys i fancy, its about guys in general! But thanks for stopping by ;0)
I think Anon makes a fair point there about the frown and 'strong face' being a defence mechanism. You must realise though that women are just as guilty of adopting this tactic. The whole thing can even result in a type of cold war at these social dos where everybody starts posing for everybody.
For me, tricks are for kids. I see a girl I like, best believe I'm hollering. I have lost out too many times in the past by using this blasé attitude you refer to. At the end of the day, there is no greater compliment to a woman than actually showing that you are interested in her.
@ ATT - Amen, bro! Well said
if we smile, you guys will think we are making moves which depending on the gurl could be a good thing or death of possibility of anything happening.
It could just be the many years of having to walk around bodija market (ibadan) in the very bright sunlight, that we just got accustomed to frowning to protect the eyes.
Really though, weddings are scary for guys, even when they are not the ones getting married. Plus at weddings, you don't really get to let loose, with all these parents and uncles and aunties around. But at a club, well, with all the liquor and well dressed women, and good music, it's hard to frown ;-p
Funny blog you've got...
@ bighead - What should be really simple has become so over complicated. Makes you wonder how people actually hook up these days (outside of clubs, i mean);0). Cheers again for stopping by..
@ Supermandru: Why, thank you kindly, but what's up with your blog tho'? I couldn't find it. You guys need to start smiling more o! Who knows, we just might smile back. Seems to work for d oyinbo peoples....
who knows, google's acting funky or something. But it's http://supermandru.blogspot.com
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