Further Hieroglyphics...

...that means more Egyptian characters (feel free to insert Dr Evil laugh here. What? I'm sure Shubby Doo got the joke...lol!).

Well, here goes...

Allow me to introduce you to Liver Man aka Cleaver Man, aka Mahmoud, the Chef.

Each night we had a buffet type meal (hence the purification ritual mentioned in my previous post :)), but in addition to this there would be some kind of 'added bonus' e.g. stir fried vegetables while you waited, or craved lamp (refer to previous post) or pasta sauce whipped up fresh. Anyway, Mahmoud was always in charge of this.

He was actually quite sweet. Very shy, but he pee'd me off slightly very early in the trip when he asked me who TB was i.e. 'friend', sister. I asked why he wanted to know, and he replied with a shrug 'two girls....', and left all the insinuations lingering in the air. I hissed and moved on. Excuse me, do i look like a lesbian? You may think it a bit forward for a chef to be asking personal questions, but in Egypt it isn't apparently! All the Waiters etc were very friendly and flirtatious with the women. By the end of the trip Eddie, our waiter was professing undying love for TB, and freely referring to Diane as 'baby' right under her husband's nose!


Ok, so Liver Man got his name like this - On one of the days, the 'extra' was liver. I can't remember what was being done to the liver 'cos i never have and never will be interested in liver - it's disgusting. Like eeeeuuuwwww. So anyway, TB was wandering around the food trying to decide on what to have when suddenly, she sensed someone standing right behind her. She turns round and is confronted with an unsmiling Mahmoud (he's smiling slightly in the picture, but usually had this deadpan expression on his face), so she's there, looking up into his face, and he goes solemnly 'I have liver' and then turns and walks away.

I'm sorry if the humour doesn't translate, but it was hilarious, at least the way TB related it to me. After many repetitions and good laughs over it, we eventually came up with the possibility that he might have actually been saying 'I have Cleaver', you know, just like in the horror films, before the killer raises their arm and chops someones head off......oh, i'm sorry! Welcome to the weird and wonderful place that is my mind.

Baba Groper 1
On our second evening, we had a Galabiya party, and everyone had to buy galabiyas and come to dinner dressed up. After dinner, we retired to the sun deck for fun and games, one of which was a variation on musical statutes, whereby when the music stopped, Osama (our compere for the night) would call out random numbers and you had to form a huddle consisting of that number of people. Or he'd say something like '1 man, 6 women' and anyone that couldn't find a group would get eliminated. The long and short of the story is that TB ended up in a huddle with an elderly man whose hand began to travel south!

Baba Groper 2
I was standing at the notice board in reception one night, checking the itinerary for the following day when this guy comes over and stands beside me, presumably to also check the board. We get chatting and he asks me if i'm Nigerian too (Ayman, our guide had begun to refer to us as his Nigerian friends). I said yes and he remarks on the fuel situation in Nigeria (he's a long-distance lorry driver). Somewhere in the course of the conversation, he's going on about what a shame the situation is, and how the Nigerian people already have it so bad (i smile and nod) without having to also 'get it in the arse' (his words, not mine) from the government. For some reason, he feels the need to mime the action of getting it in the arse, and proceeds to reach for my arse, i kid you not! Someone walks in noisily at the same moment and i turn to see who it is and thereby manage to avoid the full force of his grubby hand *shudder*, but not all of it. I promptly say good night and beat a hasty retreat!

More pictures here

Next up (final instalment)...
Abu Simbel and the Indecent Proposal.

Karnak Temple (and the Grinding Granny)

WE went to Karnak on the last day i.e. the day before we were to return home, and they definitely did save the best till last.

I think i'll let the pictures speak for themselves. There's no point in trying to give you a history lesson. If you're interested just google Karnak, and the possibilities are endless. Wikipedia is a good starting place.

My favourite part was the Hypostyle Hall, which is basically a hall with a flat ceiling supported by columns. Each of the Temples we visited had at least one Hypostyle, but Karnak was definitely the most impressive with 134 columns. Karnak was the main seat of the Theban Triad made up of Amun-Re, Montu and Mut, and up to 30 Pharoahs contributed towards the complex over the years, seeking to make their mark on the country's most important temple; hence the sheer size of the place. It's divided into 3 precincts, one for each of the gods. The only one open to tourists at present is the precinct of Amun-Re. Amun was the local deity of Thebes (modern day Luxor) who gradually rose through the ranks and became adopted by the other regions, ultimately becoming identified with Ra-herakhty i.e the merged identities of Ra and Horus.

The columns are so wide in diameter that apparently it takes 10 people linking hands to encircle one. We didn't try this but saw other groups attempting it. Our Egyptologist, Ayman proved to be one of the most politically incorrect people, joking that it would normally take 10 people, but 20 Japanese tourists to encircle one column. Hadihaha..

Other highlights include the Sacred Lake in which the priests of Amun would purify themselves before presenting sacrifices to their god. There's also the statue of the Scarab Beetle which is associated with good luck, as the beetle usually came out with the rising of the sun. It is thought that if you circle the statute 7 times, good luck would be yours. The Scarab beetle is also the apparent inspiration for those bugs that crawl underneath the skin and move about in The Mummy (or was it The Mummy Returns). Oh, and the complex lay buried under sand for over 1000 years until it was discovered in the mid-19th century!

That's enough for now, i think. Remember i'm still taking questions.












Sacred Lake


Scarab Beetle





Advisory Note
If you ever visit Karnak Temple, do not under any circumstances go back in the evening for the so-called Sound and Light Show. It sucks! We paid £17 each for the privilege and basically saw what we had seen during the day, lit up and with amplified narrative (by the way, ancient Egyptian kings and queens spoke with Shakespearean accents!). All i'm saying is save your money and avoid it!!!

Grinding Granny
On the second evening,after dinner we were introduced to the boat's management and Heads of department. It was kind of amusing, as it took place in the Lounge bar, with all the guests seated and one of the guides would call out each person and their job title and the DJ would start the music and the person would come in and stand at the front of the room. TB and I had loads of fun whooping loudly as each person came in (hey, we had to keep ourselves amused somehow!).

Anyway, after this, we had a supposed 'disco'. The dj was abysmal. The music selection even worse. So much so that we had to stage an intervention, and (to give you an idea on how abysmal the playlist was) we settled for Dancing Queen by ABBA! So not wanting to go to bed yet, we chilled and watched the one or two other people who decided to brave the dance floor.

Eventually, the dj puts on a relatively danceable track. I think it was Mambo No 5 or Shakira's Hips dont lie (albeit the Spanish version), when some guy comes out of nowhere and begins to grind against this girl who it turns out is his girlfriend. The guy actually went on to propose later in the week and whilst the girl accepted the ring, she refused to put it on her wedding finger as the guy is in the process of getting a divorce but technically still married.

But i digress...So they are grinding away, and it's quite raunchy and beyond the playful kind of grinding. TB, who can be quite puritanical, is almost ready to walk out in disgust. Me, i'm really not bothered much, when all of a sudden, this woman who had been dancing away with her daughter and friend, goes behind the guy and begins grinding against him. So, basically, the guy is grinding his girlfriend from behind and this granny is grinding him. I was almost on the floor with laughter! I'm not sure if she knew what she was doing or if she was drunk, or if she thought perhaps a conga line was forming and decided to join in, or what! The girl was so embarassed, which made it all the more hilarious to me...mwahahahaha! And since then, she became known as the Grinding Granny. The End.

I actually took a surreptitious picture of her, but it was one of the ones i mentioned that i lost! Ah well...

more pics

An Experiment

Hi Everyone.

Big shout out to Ms Sula for her suggestion, which worked. Laptop is now up and running, which is tres fantastique. However, i now find myself with writer's block. Can't seem to put anything down in any logical sequence, i'm afraid. And so i've come up with a genius idea - why don't you, my avid readers, ask me questions about the trip. Anything. Whatever you want to know. And i promise to answer your questions to the best of my ability. This (hopefully) will get my mind working and and spark off the creative process which will facilitate a proper post...or at least that's the plan.

Okay. So click here for the itinerary, which gives an idea of what we got up to.

Here's a list of some of the characters we met. My friend, Tripping Buddy (TB) and i share the same sense of humour, so by the end of the week, we had christened practically every other person on the boat!

1 - The 2 Stooges
2 - Liver man aka Cleaver man
3 - Baba groper 1
4 - Baba groper 2
5 - Grinding granny
6 - Dancing waiter (self explanatory)
7 - Anti-social Grandpa (also self explanatory)
I'll add to the list as i remember...

So, let the experiment begin. If this doesn't work, i shall have to do a rethink. But let us wait and see, eh?

Cheers, lovely people...