Thursday, 10 July 2008

Further Hieroglyphics...


...that means more Egyptian characters (feel free to insert Dr Evil laugh here. What? I'm sure Shubby Doo got the joke...lol!).

Well, here goes...

Allow me to introduce you to Liver Man aka Cleaver Man, aka Mahmoud, the Chef.

Each night we had a buffet type meal (hence the purification ritual mentioned in my previous post :)), but in addition to this there would be some kind of 'added bonus' e.g. stir fried vegetables while you waited, or craved lamp (refer to previous post) or pasta sauce whipped up fresh. Anyway, Mahmoud was always in charge of this.

He was actually quite sweet. Very shy, but he pee'd me off slightly very early in the trip when he asked me who TB was i.e. 'friend', sister. I asked why he wanted to know, and he replied with a shrug 'two girls....', and left all the insinuations lingering in the air. I hissed and moved on. Excuse me, do i look like a lesbian? You may think it a bit forward for a chef to be asking personal questions, but in Egypt it isn't apparently! All the Waiters etc were very friendly and flirtatious with the women. By the end of the trip Eddie, our waiter was professing undying love for TB, and freely referring to Diane as 'baby' right under her husband's nose!


Ok, so Liver Man got his name like this - On one of the days, the 'extra' was liver. I can't remember what was being done to the liver 'cos i never have and never will be interested in liver - it's disgusting. Like eeeeuuuwwww. So anyway, TB was wandering around the food trying to decide on what to have when suddenly, she sensed someone standing right behind her. She turns round and is confronted with an unsmiling Mahmoud (he's smiling slightly in the picture, but usually had this deadpan expression on his face), so she's there, looking up into his face, and he goes solemnly 'I have liver' and then turns and walks away.

I'm sorry if the humour doesn't translate, but it was hilarious, at least the way TB related it to me. After many repetitions and good laughs over it, we eventually came up with the possibility that he might have actually been saying 'I have Cleaver', you know, just like in the horror films, before the killer raises their arm and chops someones head off......oh, i'm sorry! Welcome to the weird and wonderful place that is my mind.

Baba Groper 1
On our second evening, we had a Galabiya party, and everyone had to buy galabiyas and come to dinner dressed up. After dinner, we retired to the sun deck for fun and games, one of which was a variation on musical statutes, whereby when the music stopped, Osama (our compere for the night) would call out random numbers and you had to form a huddle consisting of that number of people. Or he'd say something like '1 man, 6 women' and anyone that couldn't find a group would get eliminated. The long and short of the story is that TB ended up in a huddle with an elderly man whose hand began to travel south!

Baba Groper 2
I was standing at the notice board in reception one night, checking the itinerary for the following day when this guy comes over and stands beside me, presumably to also check the board. We get chatting and he asks me if i'm Nigerian too (Ayman, our guide had begun to refer to us as his Nigerian friends). I said yes and he remarks on the fuel situation in Nigeria (he's a long-distance lorry driver). Somewhere in the course of the conversation, he's going on about what a shame the situation is, and how the Nigerian people already have it so bad (i smile and nod) without having to also 'get it in the arse' (his words, not mine) from the government. For some reason, he feels the need to mime the action of getting it in the arse, and proceeds to reach for my arse, i kid you not! Someone walks in noisily at the same moment and i turn to see who it is and thereby manage to avoid the full force of his grubby hand *shudder*, but not all of it. I promptly say good night and beat a hasty retreat!

More pictures here

Next up (final instalment)...
Abu Simbel and the Indecent Proposal.

21 comments:

naijalines said...

Got it even if I'm not shubby doo.
Hehehe. Hieroglyphics as in the one of the earliest writings by man - given to us courtesy of the Egyptians. Mainly found in caves, etc.

Wish u had a loud joker-horn under your pin cushion that would've tooted everytime baba groper's hand ventured south. That would have given him a mild shock at the very least or a heart attack! Either way he'd have learnt a valuable lesson. Ha-ha.

bllk wolf said...

i see u went to see the Pharoahs,
my caves nearby ,
make sure u drop by
lol!!!
have fun...
get back to u soon

Shubby Doo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shubby Doo said...

Abu Simbel and the indecent proposal…hmmmm

Shubby Doo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Free-flowing Florida said...

hehehehehehehehehehe! sharp naija man.

i likey mr liver! "i have liver". ha!

Shubby Doo said...

hahahaha that Cleaver man is a hieroglyph alright… I read ‘I have liver’ and Hannibal Lecter popped in2 my head… can you imagine if he’d said ‘I want liver’ or 'you have liver?'…I would have hit the floor… remember in the book/film when he says "I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti"… LMAOOOO… TB is brave...I’d be too scared to face Liver Man him just in case I saw him wearing that infamous mouthpiece…

p.s
I knew at least one baba groper had to have tried it on with you…which man can resist reaching behind a Nigerian woman to try and tap current!!!

UndaCovaSista said...

@naijalines - hmmm. I like the way your mind works ;)
And maybe i should amend the opening statement to read 'naijalines and shubby doo will get the joke'....

@bllk wolf - Hiya. How you dey?

@shubby doo - lol @ hannibal lecter. Imagine if he had done the sucking noise too!
Dont mind those groping babas o. I guess they just couldnt resist...

@Florida - Dirty old men you mean! Liver man was a real laugh...

Naapali said...

"I hissed and moved on. Excuse me, do i look like a lesbian?:

--ehm how about you post a picture up here so we can judge for ourselves?

Naapali said...

@ Shubby Doo and tap current; r u sure u did not go to Military School?
- they did produce many boffins you know.

Shubby Doo said...

@doc naps - 4rm that i take it that you went.

in response - no, i didn't.

naijalines said...

@ Naps:
Hmmm...post a picture indeed. You just want to 'examine' our fine sista, abi. Someone page 'beloved'!

Lol!!!!! That was fun. Now I can go sleep. Goodnight sista.

UndaCovaSista said...

@naapali- tapping current was universal, not peculiar to Military School (shay i'm a boffin, abi?)
Re: the picture, don't let me out you now...!

@naijalines - Everyone seems to be picking on the doctor at the moment....Please carry on. Tehehe
Nighty night..

pixgremlin said...

Ahh, the land of 'Tee-gypt'! Oh, one thing: if you're still out, don't even consider staying for the Light Show in Cairo. Worst-Experience-Ever!
lol@liverman.

UndaCovaSista said...

@pixgremlin - was down south on a cruise, not in Cairo, but the sound and light show at Karnak temple was definitely a big waste of time and money too!

Olamild said...

I just want to thank u soooooooooo much for the comment you left on my blog. It was quite comforting.

naijaleta said...

The first time I heard the word, hieroglyphics was when my mum said she couldn't read what I had written because they looked like hieroglyphics and I was in secondary school then. She still wonders how I pass my exams.

Afrobabe said...

lmao...

didn't get the joke but curtsey of najalines...got it...

as for that dirty old man...ewwwwwwwwww...

ablackjamesbond said...

When i read the part where the Liverman said he had liver, i thought he was saying 'i am bold' ...like he needed to convince himself he wasnt a sissy.

guerreiranigeriana said...

...haha...all around funny post...what do lesbians look like?...i'm with naapali...post your pic so we can tell you;)...

...i can't blame the baba gropers...there have been a few times when i've seen a fine man and been highly tempted to grab his ass...God saved me...or stopped me rather...

...where are the hotties you were commissioned to photograph for my viewing pleasure?!...shei you won't get paid until i see them...i want a post dedicated to them alone!...hmmph;)...

Naija Sutra said...

interesting post....liver man....bad guy!!!!