Well, i did say i'd go into blogging overdrive once back from holiday!
I am in dire need of a male 'plus 1'. I suppose he'd be the equivalent of Atutupoyoyo's friend with benefits, except without the benefits. We would trip together, but at the end of said trips, we would both go home to our separate beds, and under no circumstances whatsoever would he betray me by trying to move things to the 'next level'.
There would also be an element of what Waffarian describes as the 'party' friend. And i quote:
"..the one you can go out with and know you will enjoy yourself wherever you end up in. No complains of "I don't like the music", "I don't like the crowd here", "lets take a taxi" "I want to go home", etc. The "party friend" is spontanous and will be happy with any suggestion"!
'Why has this need arisen'?, i hear you ask. Well, my last male plus 1 got married, the inconsiderate sod!!! I subsequently found a suitable tripping buddy to replace him, but the only problem is that she is a she. 'Why is that a problem'?, i also hear you ask. Well, in certain situations, turning up as one half of a female duo is just not on. I mean, i'm not bothered about 'normal' functions. Family functions, i just turn up and scream 'tada, let's get this party started'! Other naija functions? I've got my female posse. No wahala involved. No. The tricky part is the non-naija stuff.
What got me thinking along these lines is that a couple of months ago, my boss (at the time) turned 40, and i received an invite from his wife to attend his birthday party. I had a good relationship with him and would have loved to go celebrate with him, but i had no one to go with. I had no male 'plus 1' and i just knew it would be couple city. You know the drill, lovey-dovey couples milling around, discussing mortgages, investment portfolios, eastern european au pairs and nannies, and holidays in the south of France. I couldn't take my female tripping buddy, cos they'd probably just assume we were a 'couple' too and i had no male 'plus 1' on speed dial cos aforementioned selfish male plus 1 had gone and got married.
So what did i do? I didn't go...
This was some months ago. Now, my boss has moved on, but his wife is expecting soon and we met up recently and he extended an invite to their christening. I'd love to go. Just not on my own. And certainly not with a female 'plus 1'. So again i reiterate, i need a male 'plus 1'.
Person Specification:
- Great sense of humour
- Killer converstional skills and intellect
- Sense of fun, sense of the ridiculous
- Unconventional
- Great dress sense and individual style (he has to look good on my arm)
- Kind heart and considerate nature...
Call me, Josh...
...you know you want to!
But really, i don't know why it has become harder to establish platonic relationships with members of the opposite sex. Does it have something to do with the fact that i am getting on a bit (ha!) and thus dudes think i cannot possibly want nothing but friendship from them (conceited sods!). Because, of course women of a certain age are all marriage-obsessed and will latch on to any single man that crosses their path, club them over the head with a Gucci handbag and literally drag them, kicking and screaming, down the altar or what....? What is it? I don't know.....
PS
I'm thinking out loud, not advertising the position!
Related article
Just good friends
38 comments:
no offence meant but perhaps this is when the professional escort comes in. Good looking, relatively bright, meets up with you five minutes before the function, nods and treats you right all night, waits for you to get in your cab and good night, until next function. He gets paid you get company.
tinkabourit!
Lol, do you know I have never thought about having a male +1. I guess I haven't had many occasions where what I need is a male +1. Hmm, the downside as I see it is say you'd gone to your bosses birthday with this guy, everyone would have wanted to know who he was/how you met/what he does yadi yada and they'd think you were just being coy when you told them you were just friends.
Why is it so hard to find a male +1? Because most guys that fit the bill probably want to be more to you than just a fun escort to parties.
Cool post!
I feel you jo. And dont worry, it's not you, I think most guys are just incapable of a platonic relationship. Like, 75% of my male friends have come on to me at one point or another.
Fact is many guys are looking to settle down and if they find yu as good enough company to go out with, they have also considered the possibility of them settling down with yu too.
@Naapali - No offence taken. Lol @ 'relatively bright'.
So what do i do? Look in the yellow pages under G for gigolo?
@Vickii - Lol. That's true actually. When did male/female platonic friendships become so difficult to do?
@onydchic - I agree with you. Guys just have to go there, they cant seem to help themselves. I might as well give up my search now, but i'm optimistic
@bighead - i think its 50/50 actually. Some guys cant deal with platonic relationships cos, as you say, they want more. On the other hand, some are so full of it, they just believe that any female who as much as says hello to them wants to go out with them.
Finding a man is easy...they come a dime a dozen...the real challenge comes with finding one who is actually tangible..
I am not saying that there are only tangible women, it is both ways...and finding a man who fits your description is either of two things...either he is gay or he goes home hoping that one day you will see he is the one for you..and when you do not, he will hook up with someone else..and remain your friend..
@stuck in my throat - i agree. finding a man is easy. Finding a friend? Not so easy. What you've said butresses my point...why is it so hard for men to accept platonic relationships with women?
lol @ naapali.
U know what just find urself a man that way you have a friend with benefits(WINK WINK) and a plus one all in one. just save urself the stress and get urself a man. I can believe u even put a person spec together.. damn ur really on a mission.. GOOD LUCK
@Arewa - Eureka! I've just had an aha moment. I don't want a man - YET! I actually had THAT conversation again with my mum this very morning and she is beginnning to despair. She said the exact same thing - i dont seem to be bothered that i'm single, and its true. I'm not. I'm finally beginning to love my life and i'm happy with where i am right now. I'm open to possibilities of course, but i'm still content and happy.
Oh dear! and where are the applicants? where are all these single male bloggers. Someone please come take her out ;)
@Ugo - LOL! Didn't you read the last line well? Oya, go back and read it now...
Lol @ "getting on a bit". You are not quite yet in the arugbo category now.
Me and Josh were in Mama Calabar last week. I was going to call you but I didn't want to be responsible for the cardiac arrest that would have ensued. Next time ehn?
@atutu - hunh???
@atutu again - i happen to know that Josh was at home in Oahu, Hawaii last week. I know that because i was parked outside his house in an unmarked car with blacked out windows! Try again
I like the confidence! maybe you should "invest" in (shhh!!) a curvy friend- isn't that the PC way of saying a gay friend?
why do women want so much for so little. i mean he could be doing this with his love, gf, wife (like the guy who got married) but no he isspending his time on ur tiny behind. no wonder we have playas. but the things is this, he is doing this and u loose respect for him and go out to shine congo on some mother guy who dont give 2 pennies.... is this good? but u dont look like u shine congo sha, but this is prevailing...
@bumight - But why does he have to be gay? Does it mean that its impossible for heterosexual men and women to be friends?
@surfer playa - you know what? I'm not even going to go there. Thanks for stopping by though.
Sis I am not sure you can get that your specification in a one man you probably will have to combine 14 men/boys to get your requirement.
@30+ - LOL! 14 finish? Have a little faith now ;0)
LOL...getting him to me isn't the hard part...it's the part where you have to say your final good bye that would be hard for you and yeah, you do soubd like you're advertising the position for immediate 'employment' Really, think about getting proffesional escorts. hehehehe!
@nyemoni - the baby is due in December, i haven't got much time left to find him, but this post is certainly NOT an advert!!!!!
To be honest, the male escort thing is beginning to sound more and more tempting. If only to be able to say i've done it. Hmmmm
I have seen d man u speak of, I av even had d pleasure of being with such a man-friend and I can also tell u dat i had d heartbreaking experience of loosing him to his misplaced ambition of wanting us to become D-COUPLE and not A-couple. Unda 007, de av become extinct. I'm sorry but u had to hear it from me. But if u r lucky to capture one and brainwash him to suit d purpose, den inform me. lol. goodluck 007
My dear Nikkisab, I have had at least 3 close male friends over the course of the last 10 years and each of them has tried it on, including the one I mention in the post. So in the ‘Can men and women be just platonic friends’ debate, my personal experience says no. I guess I’m looking for someone to prove me wrong. I’m not holding my breath tho’!!!
@everyone, but men in particular – Regular readers of my blog would have cottoned on to the fact that I can be just a tad analytical. So in that same spirit, can someone explain/attempt to explain why it’s so difficult for platonic relationships to exist between men and women? Why do the guys always want more? (that’s a generalisation, but as I said, that has been my experience)
Lovely blog,thanks for stopping by my blog.
I might just be the one to prove u wrong.
Keep up the gud wuk!
Cheers!
Just go on your own if you feel close enough to your boss, otherwise don't go...
well i could get you one...will need ur 411 tho....he comes rich too. j/k
@freelance - Cheers..
@Uknaija - Lol. I like the way you go straight to the heart of the matter. That is, of course, another option. All depends on how i feel on the day..
@labelle - I'm listening....lol
he doesn't have to be gay, but the fact remains that gay men are usually-note, usually- more adept at being friends with girls, especially since there is no pressure of wanting more,or betraying the friendship.
he doesn't have to be gay, but the fact remains that gay men are usually-note, usually- more adept at being friends with girls, especially since there is no pressure of wanting more,or betraying the friendship.
@bumight - i hear you. I'm just curious as to why hetero men can't/won't do the same..
lol @naapali...professional escourt? before I comment self let me see where undercova is located.
Ok uk, might just get away with it...
My problem is I have loads of male plus 1 who happen to be my friends and we talk about their relationships, girls who dont understand them...yada yada yada.. and all the while I wish it could be me in the girl's place. Do I ever think of telling him how I feel? Hell no!
but since you only looking for friendship....the married ones can as well lend our helping hand...LOL
@afrobabe - I've just googled male escorts and they're not that expensive ;0).
And if i were in your shoes i wouldn't tell him either. I wouldnt want to be responsible for a relationship break up. Pele o!
@Obiwanne - Erm, i think the wives might have one or two things to say about that. I know i would if my husband was spending time with some strange woman..
why do women want more? u are friends with a bloke and he aint sayin nutin. then when he does he wants more. the thing is this: everyone wants more. man and woman. they want more its if the other can give it. interesting bit is this, when the girl decides she wants more, homie starts to back out coz you see men can easily stand for the status quo, women not so. funny ranting i have no idea what i mean
I agree with Uknaija. Who cares anyway? Go alone and don't stay too far from the wine and chips heheheheh, thats what I'll do! (do you think there'll be cake?)
interesting piece...even more interesting comments
It is actually possible to find that kind of a friend in a man but then, the question is; can you handle it? :)
O
Really nice piece. I have too many 'male plus 1's, the problem with them is that they honestly assume am a girlfriend!!! (even after i try to set the record straight from the start. Female plus 1 are so unreliable when there's a new love interest in their lives; they'd drop u like a pack of cards, plus if there's a cute someone in the party, u'd always wonder which of you he'd go for. Too complicating!!!!
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